The Runaway Muse

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A personal blog

Two thousand ten.

Tonight is my last night at home for three months.  I should be packing, but instead I feel like sitting in the dark with a pile of deliciously musty books to my left and the glow of a pine-scented candle on my right.  This is how it should be, right now.

I wanted to write about what the year 2010 meant to me.  After all, it has probably been the most influential year of my life to date.  But when I lie in bed staring at the ceiling and ponder the last 365 days of my life, it all seems to flash before my memory in a blur of lost feelings and lingering moments which I can almost grasp, but not quite.

Last year, I lost and found myself.  Multiple times.

Last year, I laughed until I cried.

Last year, I was hospitalized.

Last year, I met people who saved my life in more ways than one.

Last year, I found reasons to live when all I wanted to do was fall asleep and never wake up.

Last year, I compared myself to others.

Last year, I went to the Dominican Republic and completely changed my perspective.

Last year, I gave my testimony at my own high school graduation.

Last year, I moved 700 miles away from home to attend a university which I had never visited.

Last year, my comfort zone was obliterated…and I survived just fine.

Last year, I learned to hold my tongue.

Last year, I heard God’s voice.

This year, I want to learn from the past.  I want to take bold steps forward and become more confident and stop making excuses.  I want to stop beating myself up for things that are out of my control.

I want to look back at 2011 and say, “That was the year everything changed for the better.”

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Filed under: Everyday Ramblings

Everyone gets hurt, in the end.

One of these days I am going to show everyone that scars are beautiful.

Filed under: Photography

Stuck

She hates the fullness
more than anything else,
except perhaps the
emptiness.
She tells herself that this
doesn’t make sense,
that perhaps she is only crazy,
after all.

Frowning, prodding
the rounded mass of flesh that is her
abdomen, watching as it
expands before her eyes,
larger and larger until she
convinces herself that has
swallowed a cow.

Heavy, oh so heavy.

She longs to be empty,
weightless, because only then
can she hope to be filled.
There’s no room left for filling,
not like this.

Curling up on the
patchwork quilt her mother
found at a thrift store,
she squeezes herself tight,
making herself a
ball, one that becomes gradually
smaller, until at last
it becomes completely
invisible.

Filed under: Poetry, Uncategorized

December in the blink of an eye

I need to go back to school. Being with my family is nice and all, but the lack of structure is driving me insane.  I am constantly reminded of why I decided to move so far away in the first place.  And you know what?  That’s OK.  Once Christmas has come and gone, I will make my goodbyes and turn my back on my home once again…at least until summer break.

This might sound crazy, but I am actually looking forward to next semester at school.  I want to test my limits and challenge myself academically and perhaps move forward in areas I never imagined myself exploring in the first place.  I’m excited, and it feels good.

This post is rather image-heavy, as I have compiled a bunch of photos spanning from early December to the present.  Sometimes it seems as though December has only just begun, and yet I have to remind myself that in just a matter of days it will be replaced by January 2011.  How quickly time passes us by.

Filed under: Everyday Ramblings, Photography

I love you, but I’m afraid to love you

Please watch.

 

Filed under: Music, Photography

A photoshoot with myself

I got a new haircut.

Being a girl, naturally I am going to want to show it off.

Being a photographer, naturally I am going to take a load of random pictures and edit the snot out of them until they no longer look like they were shot with flash against my white bedroom door.

Being a closet narcissist (shhhh), naturally I am going to post them on my blog with the hope that this will somehow make up for the fact that I haven’t been posting during Christmas break.

Enjoy.

 

Filed under: Everyday Ramblings, Photography

Christina tackles arts and crafts

My cousin is getting married on Saturday, and while I’m here in Texas I get to help out.  Last night my uncle and I went shopping at the one and only Hobby Lobby to find decorations for the wedding rehearsal dinner, which will be held at a Mexican restaurant tomorrow night.

Can you guess what these materials are for?

Close-up of the charms.  They are too adorable.

We also bought these lovely glass candle holders.

Add some ribbon and the charms and voila! Four ordinary candle-holders become four wedding-themed candle holders.

I’m quite proud of them.

I fly home to Chicago on the 13th.  “Excited” is too feeble a word to express the anticipation I feel.

Filed under: Arts and Crafts, Photography, Special Occasions

So this is what the finish line looks like.

Finals are over and my Christmas break has officially begun.  I could be out celebrating raucously as college kids are wont to do, but all I feel like doing is curling up with a cup of hot chocolate and my poetry journal.  If only there were a roaring fire to complete the picture, I’d be happy as a bug in a rug.

Filed under: Everyday Ramblings, Photography

I could possibly be fading

 

 

I’m tired of this.

Filed under: Photography

The house where she grew up

She remembers the
smell of daddy’s shoeshine
and the pungent
kick of his aftershave
when he said goodbye.
She remembers the
feeling of standing in the
middle of the road
as the snow blanketed
everything–
she existed alone
in a white muffled void.
She remembers when
lunchtime
was a simple affair
for an untainted child.
She remembers
innocent indulgence
and living without regret–
just crumbs, and
wishing there was more.
She remembers the
house where she grew up–
dancing summer shadows
across lacy white
windows, never without
fingerprints.
She remembers it all
if she closes her eyes
and goes back to the
time when she was
different.

Filed under: Photography, Poetry

About the girl


Christina. 18. College student. Lover of words, sublime images, fat books and skinny jeans. Dislikes melting snow, the color pink, and procrastination.

This blog is an outlet for my jumbled thoughts. Thank you for stopping by.

Runaway-Muse @ Flickr